Things have been quite extraordinary and confusing these past months and weeks. There's a lot I've been working through. Heartbreak, betrayal, learning to trust again, Love, my own internal confusion, regret, and cautious hope. These writings, whether they be in prose form or lyric, have been keeping my heart company, giving it hope and keeping it in gracious check all at the same time. So, I thought I would share, since good music and writing is always something to share. Definitely check out the entire songs, they are amazing all the way around. And check out the CDs too. They are good stuff.
"I guess it's just hard to believe the grace You pour out on me. I guess I'm just starting to see how You're working in me....clothe me in Your glory"- Forever Holy: The Glorious Unseen- This song wasn't one that really jumped out to me on this CD, but now I'm very much living the lyrics in my life and discovering how true they are. The word "glory" has taken on a very different, yet much more amazing definition for me as well.
"It'll be a day like this one when the sky falls down and the hungry and poor and deserted are found. Are you discontented? Have you been pushing hard? Have you been throwing down this broken house of cards?.....Is there any honest song to sing besides these blues?"- The Blues: Switchfoot- I definitely am discontented these days...it tends to happen when you come face to face with your junk and try to make it right. Yet, oddly enough this song helps me get to a place where I can be content. It's really honest, yet extremely hopeful...in a cautious sort of way.
"I'm holding on, I'm holding on to You. My world is wrong, my world is lies come true. And I fall in love with the one's that run me through, when all along all I needed is You."- Sing It Out: Switchfoot- This whole song is very much where I'm at. And it has definitely been a deep prayer in my heart, especially these past couple weeks.
"So you're in Nashville on the phone, and I'm back here at home. The words are new but I recognize the tone. If you Love her let her go."- My Love Goes Free: Jon Foreman- I'm realizing how tightly I've held on to people because in my heart I didn't trust them to stay with me. And now, through a lot of heartbreak and confusion I have caused because of that, I'm seeing that the only way you can truly Love anyone ever...is by trusting them. And I'm seeing I cannot use a single ounce of control if that is what I desire. If one trusts, they do not control. It's hard, but she deserves it.
"So if you're waiting for Love, well it's a promise I'll keep. If you don't mind believing that it changes everything, then time will never matter"- Sunny Days: Jars Of Clay- If God is truly in control, the it is through the might of His Love, so patient, enduring, and innovative; not the force of His arms, that He is so. I'm beginning to see that in my own life. And God is calling me to trust him that no matter what I do or experiencing, however heartbreak or heinous, His Love has conquered even death, and His grace and redemption extend beyond it. How beautiful! How amazing!
"So could you Love this bastard child, though I don't trust you to provide? With one hand in a pot of gold, and with the other in your side. I am so easily satisfied by the call of lovers so less wild. That I would take a little cash over your very flesh and blood....I am a whore, I do confess..."- Wedding Dress: Derek Webb- So could You? Could You Love this bastard child? Because I swear, if you can, your Love will drown out my treason! And I will be yours forever!
"There's a river that I know, where you don't have to reap what you have sown."- Atonement: The Frozen Ocean- I'd heard of this place....but only in dreams and fairy-tales. But now I've found it....and I am so utterly amazed!
"If you travel here, you will feel it all. The brightest and the darkest. And if you travel here, listen to your heart. Take with you what lasts forever."- Traveler's Song: Future Of Forestry- I most definitely have been traveling these past months. To the depths of who I am, and places I've never been before. In fact avoided. I am seeing the darkest things, and they break my heart and scare me to death. But I am also seeing the brightest things. And those things; those amazing and disturbingly unfair things are changing me in ways I've never known before.
"Slow your breath down, just take it slow. Find your heart now; oh, you can trust and love again.......If you leave I'll still be close to you when all your fears rain down. I'll take you back a thousand times again. Oh, I'll take you as my own."- Slow Your Breath Down: Future Of Forestry- These words are my constant companion these days. These days there have been a lot of things to be afraid of, yet I'm finding I must trust and love again, even if my heart is purposefully crushed, because it is the only way to find anything worth anything at all. And what grace this song speaks of!
"Close your eyes this time, 'cause trust is all we have tonight, but trust will be forever. Safe your dreams will be. Trust will be the light tonight, so close your eyes this time."- Close Your Eyes: Future Of Forestry- Similar to the previous section, I've had a lot of fearful days these past weeks. I've done somethings that have really hurt people I care so deeply for, and my mind is really good at blowing situations out of proportion...yet there have been some instances where I've been terrified at what really could happen. These have been the words of God to my heart....calling me to trust no matter what happens, no matter how terrifying or heartbreaking.
Your Love Is Strong "Two things You've told me: that You are strong and You Love me"- Your Love Is Strong: Jon Foreman- I don't know whether by algorithm or the grace of God, but after "My Love Goes Free" played on my iPod one day when I was wrestling with the fear of letting go, this song played immediately after. Either way...it meant so much to my fearful soul.
"Hello Hurricane, you're not enough! Hello Hurricane, you can't silence my Love! I've got doors and windows boarded up. All your dead-end fury is not enough, you can't silence my Love!"- Hello Hurricane: Switchfoot- I'm walking through some hurricanes right now. Some by my own creation, and some by the hands of others. But this song, those lines, are the tattered, wind-swept hope that I am clinging to.
"Maybe redemption has stories to tell. Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell. Where can you run to escape from yourself? Where you gonna go? Salvation is here."- Dare You To Move: Switchfoot- Maybe....just maybe.....
